


Superman That Ho

by Professor_Fluffy



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Professor_Fluffy/pseuds/Professor_Fluffy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Clint make a bet. They've underestimated Steve Rogers and Phil Coulson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Superman That Ho

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'd never actually heard the meaning of Superman that ho before.  
> My friends told me at game night a few weeks ago, this is what popped into my head. :)

Superman That Ho.

Tony and Clint shook hands. “ You've got yourself a deal, Barton.”

“Anything I should know?” Coulson asked from the doorway. 

“The usual, babe. Stark thinks he’s sneaker than I am. The man wears a bright red suit of armor, dates a walking target, and he thinks he’s more subtle than an assassin.” Clint kissed Coulson on the cheek and gave his face a quick pat. Tony whistled. 

“Shove it Stark.”

Tony grabbed his mimosa, “I'll see you kids later. I have a date with justice.”

Steve walked down the hall and neatly plucked the mimosa out of Tony's hand. “I think Batman is justice. I’m – uh -- America?” he grimaced. 

“Neat. Now I can honestly say I’ve banged America and the press won’t know if I'm referring to you or the continent.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Come on spangles.” Tony grabbed Steve’s tie, tugging gently. “We’re going to be late for the party.”

\-----------

Tony snagged a wine glass from a tray and drank half of it in a quick swallow. 

“You should stop.”

He stood on his toes, nose inches from Steve’s. “I just met you.”

Steve put a solid hand against Tony’s shoulder. 

“And this is crazy.”

Steve plucked the wine glass out of Tony’s hand. 

“But here’s my wine glass.” Tony blinked at his hand, and then noticed Steve holding the empty glass, “so fill it maybe?”

“You are not drunk.”

Tony’s gaze became more focused. “So? They don’t need to know that. Take me home, Oh Captain! My Captain.” He poked Steve in the chest with his finger, “for I am very, very drunk, and I think I shall swoon.”

“Fine.” Steve deposited the empty glass on a tray and bent down, scooping Tony up in his arms like a romance novel protagonist. People stared.

“Hey, hey! That’s not what I meant Steve.” Tony flailed. “Put me down you oaf!”

“No can do fella, you’re far too drunk to walk.”

Tony sputtered. “You are going to pay for this Rogers.”

Tony staggered into their room and fumbled with his belt. “I'm going to win this," he muttered. "That smug bastard...”

“What?”

Tony walked into Steve’s space, crowding him against the wall. “Nothing.” Tony smirked. “You’re very – blond. Like a blond superman.”

“What?” Steve snorted. Tony began working at Steve's tie, capturing his mouth. 

“Less talking.” Tony ran his tongue against Steve’s lower lip in a smooth, wet, glide. 

“I wasn't –“ Steve allowed himself to be shoved onto the bed. 

“Red silk.” Tony ran his fingers across the smooth fabric. “You like it?”

“Tony,” Steve growled, and rolled, pinning Tony to the bed beneath him. He grunted, tossing his shirt across the room.

“Hey, that’s not –“

Steve ran his tongue down Tony’s stomach in a wet line, blowing a warm breath against the shiny trail. Tony shivered.

“Steve.” Tony ran a hand through his hair.

Steve captured the edge of Tony’s boxers between his teeth and looked up at Tony, his eyes bright blue and aggressive in the low light.

Tony groaned. “Nothing. Another time.”

Steve’s mouth quirked. He yanked Tony’s boxers down with his teeth. His cheek grazed Tony’s cock, leaving a damp trail of pre-come down the side of his face. He licked Tony's slit, fist wrapped around the base of his shaft, his fingers pressing against Tony's hip possessively. Tony bucked, digging his fingers into the sheets. 

“Steve,” Tony gasped, trying not to fuck Steve’s mouth. Steve flattened his tongue. Tony writhed. Steve looked up at Tony and sucked, hollowing his cheeks. Tony’s breath hitched. Steve pulled away, licking his lips. Tony made a whimpering noise. 

“Roll over.”

“My lube's not up here Steve, just the stuff you like.”

“I’ve got some.”

“Uhh – you’re such a fucking boyscout,” Tony rolled onto his stomach, bracing his elbows against the sheets. “Next time, I’m going to fuck you. You don’t even—“

“Tony.”

“Oh god, just fucking do it Steve.”

Steve poured warming lube over his fingers, and slid one digit inside of Tony, to the knuckle. 

“I can’t feel it, is it in?” 

Steve choked back a laugh and slapped Tony’s ass with his free hand. "You’re still fairly loose. Your boyfriend must be a big guy huh?”

“You – fucking – tease,” Tony gasped as Steve slid two more digits in, slowly, until the muscles loosened around his fingers. 

“Damn you. Fuck me already.”

Steve withdrew his fingers. Tony whimpered, leaning forward until his forehead touched the sheet.

Steve undid his fly, freeing his erection, and rubbed the tip against Tony’s ass. “Yes?”

“Fuck yes, Steve,” Tony pushed against him, biting his fist.

Steve pushed inside him slowly and wrapped his hands around Tony’s hips. 

Tony shoved against him, moaning into the sheets.

Steve watched Tony's face as he slid in, fucking Tony deeper into the nest of sheets, fingers sliding against Tony’s damp flesh.

Tony whimpered and came all over his stomach. Steve pulled out and stroked himself quickly, once, twice, and then climaxed on Tony’s back. 

_He couldn't do it._

_Red silk._ Yes. _Yes he could._

Tony was panting against the sheet. Steve grabbed his shoulder and flipped him onto his back. 

Tony’s eyes widened.

“Superman that ho?” Steve deadpanned. 

Tony jumped up so fast Steve almost didn't make it off the bed, struggling to kick his pants free as they pooled around his ankles. Sure enough, the red silk sheet stuck to Tony's back like a cape as he took off after Steve. 

Clint and Phil were in the common room watching T.V. Steve ran through the door, completely naked, with Tony right behind him. Tony tackled Steve into the couch, sheet fluttering to the floor behind him.

He pinned Steve, rolling on top of him like a cat. “You jerk. How the hell did you know? I can’t believe--” 

Steve laughed until he was gasping for breath and shoved Tony onto the floor.

Clint jumped to his feet, “You assholes. You didn't! Wait Steve did this? Steve got you? That’s fucking priceless, Stark.”

Tony looked at him from the floor, quirking an eyebrow.

Clint stopped laughing and looked at the mess they were making. “Damn it, we use that couch. You’re both naked! Put some clothing on!”

“Calm down Barton, I can buy a new couch. What I would like to know, is how my boyfriend found out about our bet? You are such a double-crossing shit.”

“I didn’t. I wouldn't! I wanted that bike Stark.”

“You know Captain,” Coulson said. “When I showed you that live feed, this wasn't what I was expecting. Oh don’t give me that look, Stark, you haven’t cornered the market on reverse-espionage."

Steve grinned. “Just because I have a moral code doesn't mean I’m above playing dirty."

“Captain, I believe I respect you more now than I did when I was younger." Coulson grinned.

"He is pretty spunky for the living embodiment of the American Dream," Tony smirked at Clint.

“Ok. Fuck this! Fuck all of you.” Clint gestured wildly.

Coulson gave him a bland look.

“Am I the only one who realizes that the two man jizz band is sitting buck naked in our communal living room getting their spunk on everything we hold dear?”

“Are we having a meeting of the Avengers War Council? It's the custom on Asguard to hold councils like this, it shows that we have nothing to hide from our comrades. I approve of this.” Thor plopped into a chair in front of the t.v., au natural, and reached for the remote.

Clint threw a pillow at Thor. “I hate you all.”


End file.
